0185 – What more do I want?

It took me 18 (I still think I’m 18) 19 years to realize that I’m being an asshole to my sister. She’s young, she’s (not very) innocent, and she doesn’t know how to help herself. but I’m still an asshole. I’m a big brother, and I’m supposed to help. No matter how annoying it is. No matter how troublesome it is. No matter how busy I am.

So, I am going to try to be nice from now on. It’s kinda against my nature to help somebody who doesnt help himself, but I will try.

My sister and I fight all the time. She told me she didn’t wanna come to Michigan because she doesn’t wanna be with me. That may not be a big deal to you, but trust me, it hurt. So bad.

Today, I was nice to her on Facebook, and she said she missed me. What more can I ask for =) I wouldn’t tell this to my sister no matter what, and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know this blog’s existence, so I’m safe. but that was sweet to hear.

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Yesterday, my mother asked me "Why do you have to think so much?"

"Don’t worry. Just enjoy life."

I don’t know why I think. I just always think. Always. It makes life so difficult. I’ve always said that if I stopped thinking then I won’t be me anymore. But maybe that’s not true. Everybody change from time to time. Maybe I have to. I live a crappy life because I keep thinking. ABOUT EVERYTHING. and stress myself out. I worry about where my life’s heading. I worry about the use of my studying here. I worry about how I am spending every minute here. All this is really horrible. Because I do not wanna worry about all these things.

Maybe I’m born different. Maybe I’m destined to do a little more than others do. Maybe I’m destined to be harsher than myself than others are on themselves. Maybe I am supposed to achieve more and make every single second count. Maybe I’m supposed to do this.

But if I’m not happy, what’s the point?

Stop thinking, please.

0184 – Deception

Do you know how sweeteners work?

Long story short,
Sweeteners are enantiomers of sugar, which mean that the compounds are mirror images of the sugar involved. So basically they supposedly have the same function as sugar does, but the body doesn’t recognize this as sugar because our body is chiral, which means it sees the mirror image of a sugar as different than sugar.

Short story even shorter,
Sweeteners deceive our bodies into thinking that they’re not sugar.

Deception.

Isn’t it a common thing now? Apart from sweeteners deceiving our bodies, we deceive each other too. We look after ourselves first. That tends to be the common thing nowadays. My utopia is so far from reality.

Anyway, I’m living my life in college – without partying or drinking. I’m really happy about that. I guess I worried too much after all. I have awesome friends. I have a good education. I have a life. I just wish I have more time to blog and introspect. I like to think a lot, and I like to fix things. That has its upside, and we shouldn’t talk about its downside.

I’m just grateful for who I am, and I am grateful for all the divine interventions that have gotten me thus far.

0183 – The path of life

My friend asked me, "Do you believe in karma Pete?"

"Yes I do."

"So, if I pinch you, then I’ll get pinched back. Is that karma?"

Chuckles.

There are so many different ways people live their lives. Religion is one thing that some of us holds very dearly, and for some other it is bullcrap.

Karma is like.. the main fundamental principle that I live my life by. So, what do I see in it?

The thing is right now, if my life has always been like this and will continue to be this way, I wouldn’t see the point of karma. I can see why some people don’t see the point – the effects are certainly not immediate. If I wasn’t in a temple, if I didn’t become a monk, I probably wouldn’t have thought so highly of the Buddha and his teachings. It’s just wondrous the way my life has come thus far. I’m not satisfied with it in any case, but the path that I’ve walked through, the things I’ve been blessed with… It’s just wonderful. It’s a blessing. There’re many storms along the way, but hey… life’s not one dimensional.

0182 – Getting there.

As I live each day in the US of A, my perception starts to change. Is it the new environment? The new culture? The new culture? Or maybe just me reacting to change?

Things happen differently here. The weather sucks. Heck, it’s freezing. People talk about god-knows-what. People love lousy Asian food. Heck, people even talk to me because of my name. It’s a different experience all together. Things move quickly around here sometimes, yet it gets inefficient as hell at just the right moment. I have so many things to do (do not blame it on my signing up for too many different activities), and having time to blog is just awesome – such a relief too. This blog’s getting awfully quiet.

As much as I want people to all help each other and the world to be at peace, our egos are too big. We all live our own life. We’re not living the world’s life. Naturally, we want the best for ourselves. I want the best for myself. Not my ideal mindset here, but I’m liking it. I compete with people. I do things to get myself ahead, and that’s necessary sometimes. Nobody’s gonna push you; they’re too busy pushing themselves. Push yourself. That’s the way to go.

As I’ve previously mentioned, I’m not the best, but I’m somewhere around the top. I wouldn’t settle for no less I’m telling ya. I am fighting. I am pushing myself.

The only thing about this mindset is that you SHOULD and could potentially be doing some meaningful stuff all the time, even in like spring break – which sucks. Furthermore, stress. is. there. freaking. all. the. time. College life is overrated.

Still, I’m gonna push myself. My friends don’t think I’m living my life right, but I’m gonna do this. I know I can do so well. Oh I know, and I’m gonna get there. I’m gonna get there.