Blessed Curse: What I see in my world

Here’s a glimpse inside my head.

I walk into a fancy restaurant. I see people dressed very polishedly and I think about classism in our society. I wonder whether these other people in the restaurants ever think about the widening income inequality. Do they think about what they can do for those who are less fortunate? The food was good, but not as tasty as it would have been if I did not have that lingering thought inside my head. I just did not deserve to be there.

There are many street vendors in Bangkok. I buy food from them all the time. Sometimes I wonder if there are days when they do not make enough. Do they have health insurance? They sometimes use really old stoves to cook the food, which are really energy inefficient. Some of them use coal. Some of them use gas—fossil fuel nonetheless. They’re so integral to the Thai livelihood. How can we ever become fossil fuel independent?

I get into a cab. I feel uncomfortable knowing that I probably make more than the driver does. What does he feel about me? Does he think I’m a middle class snob? His earnings are so unpredictable. I won’t be comfortable living like that.

The cleaners at my office never complain. They clean and clean and clean. It’s kind of a terrible job. Do they have other things they want to be doing? Why are we paying them so little when the CEO gets millions? Do they ever think about the meaning of life? If everyone pursues their passions, who will work as cleaners? Shouldn’t we be paying them a lot more for doing something they don’t want to be doing?

These are what I see in the world around me. Sometimes, it really is a curse, because I can’t go by a single day without noticing how much shittier this world is for some fellow beings than for me, which makes the world very shitty by my standards.

People tell me I think too much. I wish I can be one of those people that think too little, but that isn’t going to happen. I’ve been blessed with this curse—one that I think is probably intended to really be a blessing sometime in the future, which makes me always think about equality and justice in our world. I just can’t relax.

How can I get out of this torment?

Or do I really want to?


0319 – Worlds (And My Blog) In Transition

Wow. Can’t believe it’s been more than six months since I last updated this. I’ve debated whether to continue posting here, but it seems like a bad omen to leave a post on existential depression lingering on the front page any longer.

A lot happens in six months, doesn’t it? We create, we destroy, we rejoice, we cry, we sink, we rise. We end up in a completely different place. One thing that has always remained constant is the uncertainty that is life.

One key theme that has been repeatedly the subject of my internal musings is transitions. Our worlds are in transition. Our surroundings are transforming rapidly, inflicted in no small part by the mighty hands of our kind. Yet, perhaps we are mighty, but not as mighty as Nature and God, which have brought about increasing degrees of flux across the entire planet. What is most fascinating–and fearsome–is that the instability is no longer constrained to the physical realm; political and social instability are here to stay, regardless of our readiness to face the consequences. Death and rebirth-be it physically or spiritually, seem to be common occurrences these days.


Most importantly, underlying these transitions is the shift in the consciousness of sentient beings in this universe. Many spiritual teachers have talked of the impending Great Awakening, a time of abrupt momentous change. However, before we get there, maybe you can start to feel some restlessness and a heightened urgency for change emerging from within. I, for one, am feeling 2014 to be a very contemplative, but heavy and demanding year. (Note: And if you believe in the power of the stars and a higher life force, you may want to look into what astrologists are saying about 2014 – It’s a year for spiritual growth.)

2014 has invited me to renew my commitment to reflection and this blog. Like many other things, it is time for a symbolic death and rebirth for this blog as well. If you’ve visited before, you may remember that it used to be a dark and cryptic page, evoking (or intending to evoke) a sense of mystery and reflection. Now, it seems ripe for transformation. Two words come to mind: Clarity and purity. I’m keeping this phase simple, clean and (hopefully) concise. Mark Twain knows how I feel when it comes to brevity:

‘I didn’t have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.’

In about two months, it will again be time for me to publish an annual update to my spirituality essay, so I shall leave most of the updates until then. Meanwhile, I will attempt to continue to post about my physical journeys and how they have shaped my spiritual path. As always, I’ll always share  random wondrous pieces I found on the interweb and my thoughts on contemporary issues that you may or may not want to hear.