0242 – I guess this is it

Well, the year is once again drawing close. It’s the time we make resolutions for next year (and most likely realize that we failed this year’s resolutions too). It’s the time we reflect on the year recently past and relive the fondest memories we have. It’s the time we say we have to move on to a new year, a new chapter and leave the past behind.

I am thinking about this blog. It’s changed so much over the years. It’s helped me evaluate myself. It’s helped me get through my toughest times. It’s helped me grow. It’s helped me see the world differently. It’s helped me see beauty and vibrancy in things that used to be just inanimate dull stones. Not many people read this blog for a variety of different reasons. Some say it’s too deep, some say it’s too depressing, some say it’s too long, and some’s just not interested. But for those of you that do, I hope you get to know me a little better and gain something from my posts. Thank you for reading.

As for the new years, I’ve made resolutions before. Never really succeeded, mostly because I’m too ambitious and I get too lazy and caught up in the moments. But for 2011, my only resolution is for me to be happier. And as my wise friend kindly pointed out, that means fewer expectations. So there you go. Fewer expectations.

Here’s for a good 2010, and for an awesome 2011.

P.S.: WordPress is launching a Post A Day/Post A Week campaign for 2011. Awesome idea. I’ve decided to try my hands on Post A Week, so hopefully you’ll see me here every week with a few more random stuff!

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0241 – It's Christmas!

Merry Christmas to you all!

It’s that time of the year. It’s the time of festivities, love, family, friendship and faith. It’s the time when differences don’t seem to matter too much. It’s the time where everybody gets along. It’s the time of the year when everything can be forgiven, when everything seems just right.

There’s an awful lot of good feeling during Christmas. This is my first time having a truly American Christmas, and I am loving it. So much fun, so much love, so much laughter.

The kids. I love the kids. I’ve mentioned this like a million times, but kids are the most honest representation of us – the energy, the fun-loving, the need for attention, the love, the wants, the jealousy, the change. Throughout the years we lose that innocence and carefreeness that used to be in us, by choice or otherwise. These kids are so fun to hang out with. It’s so fun just to be with them and pretend that there’s nothing else to worry about at all. It’s so fun simply just to ‘be’ and enjoy what is around you. It’s so much fun just to live. It has helped me understand better the delicate balance that is life. It has helped me to see that maybe there shouldn’t be a point to everything, because when I think of the good times, this will be up there at the top of the list.

And I wonder what the world would be like if this can last for the whole year. True, Christmas won’t be so special anymore then, but wouldn’t the world be an eternal, festive, jolly, fun place to be in? Sounds a little weird, but I’ll take that over backstabbing, crimes, and jealousy. There’s not many things that bring people together like Christmas.

So as the year winds down and as Christmas comes to an end, I hope for the world that we continue to retain the Christmas spirit, and may all find the gift of life a rewarding one.

0240 – As we go on

Just came back from U of M’s Winter 2010 Commencement Ceremony. Semester breaks are my favorite times of the year, not only because it means that I get a brief reprieve from the demanding collegiate academia, but also because I get to witness people graduating, closing another chapter of their lives. I can’t wait for my turn! Even as an audience, I feel the overwhelming bittersweet feeling – inexplicable nonetheless. I am excited. Congrats to all graduates!

Commencement speeches are bonuses to these ceremonies. Listened to a fabulous talk by Nobel laureate Daniel Kahneman on the duality of the remembering self and the experiencing self. Very intriguing concept. I am yet again inspired.

College has been amazing. I want to graduate, but I don’t want to graduate. I’m sure that’s the sentiments shared by many. I’ve learned and experienced so much already and I know that so much more is out there for me to grasp. Life is indeed a wondrous creation. Moments like this make me realize that the suffering, depression and sadness that I’ve experienced are merely a piece of the bigger picture. And I’d like to take this opportunity to thank those of you who’ve stood by me and helped me in anyway. Thank you. Really. And as we go on, I hope we continue to be good friends and learn from each other, and I hope we will one day find the life that we seek.

So, like a true cheesy Asian in Michigan, as Vitamin C’s ‘Graduation’ fades in the background: For today, goodbye. For tomorrow, good luck. Forever, go blue.

God I love this place.

0239 – Cogito Ergo Sum

If there is one philosophical saying that’s always been ‘true’ for me, it’s gotta be cogito ergo sum: I think therefore I am. It’s been a pretty rough month or so, with streams of thoughts constantly circulating in my head. It just reminds me of how difficult it is to change – your expectations, the way you think, the way you act. Let’s not talk about the world for now – it’s difficult enough to change myself. Many of you might remember that I declared that I am on a happiness revolution. Well, I’m still on one, except I’m fazed by all the speed bumps and unprecedented hindrance along the way. Mannn, life is hard, eh? As the wise Maya Angelou once said, “Life’s a bitch. You’ve got to go out and kick ass.” Hell to the yes!

I’m currently reading Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman, who I respect very much. I’m learning so much about the way humans think and why we get depressed so easily and how to snap out of it. Learning so much from it. A definite must-read seal of approval from Pete. For those of you with a long to-read list, bump this one up above 75% of the list!

Speaking of to-read lists, mine has been extending.. yet again. I’ve somehow found invigorated love of reading this month, and suddenly good books seem to appear everywhere. To me, this really reflects the wealth of human experience and wisdom that all of us can draw upon, and this is why the world can be so amazing. Just reading things that I’d never ever be able to write/come up with, I just feel this awe and fulfillment that I’ve never found in my classes. It’s knowledge of a different kind, one that many of us lacks, and one that is particularly endearing to me.

Great. I’m going off on a tangent again. What I wanted to say is there is always so much to learn. One is always growing along with everyone else. So sometimes I feel the need to express certain things that don’t seem very aligned with my happiness revolution, but that is because I am learning and trying to grow. My blog used to be so depressing and emo and life-sucks-shit-happens-so-shut-up-and-deal-with-it emotionally charged, and that type of… intensity is still lingering in me. So forgive me for that.

Although, I do hope that as I endlessly spill thoughts onto my entries, some of them will inspire you and some of them will teach you something and change the way you think. Ultimately, I think if one can live as is, accept oneself and do what one loves, and – most importantly – learn from others with an open mind, the world will be a memorable ground for the learning journey that we are fated to go on together.

So keep thinking, and keep growing.

0238 – A New Lens On The World

December 11th, 2010

Dear friend,

I started reading The Perks of Being A Wallflower at 11pm yesterday and just could not put it down. I finished it at 3am this morning. It blew my mind away. I am still in shock from it. I do not want to say too much as I don’t wanna ruin it for you, but you should know that I really really love it. Frankly, I don’t know what to think. The book just made me think about the world in a new light. The main character, Charlie, is a wonderful young kid. It is very touching and heartwarming to watch him grow as he struggles through the world of high school, drugs, sex, friendship and love. None of you will know this, but I think like Charlie. I really do. You won’t believe me because I’ve never told you before, and you’ve only seen one side of me. I suffer the same problems as Charlie. I experience the same emotions as Charlie. I am similar to Charlie.

I too am very smart, and I think I am destined for something great in the world. And I think I learn something great from books like these. This makes me think of one of my favorite quotes: “Do not let your schooling interfere with your education.” Charlie just makes me want to disconnect from this world, and just really ponder what everything means, why everything is the way they are. I am sorta doing that, but maybe I need a new lens through which I can see things differently. Kids have the best views of the world, not because they are cute, but because they are the most honest, thoughtful and observant people ever.

The Perks of Being A Wallflower will go down as one of my favorite books ever. I recommend that you read it, not simply for enjoyment or because it is a good book, but to learn about the reality of this world and the fundamentals of relationships and mankind.

I still don’t know what I want to think about this book. All I know is the world is moving too fast for us to all sit and think about all this, but if you can spare some time to think, and bring on new lens to look at the world, I think you will see that the world is a very complex and beautiful place. The world is here to challenge us and help us grow.

“Please believe that things are good with me, and even when they’re not, they will be soon enough.

And I will believe the same about you.”

0237 – Story of a little boy (Part II)

Little boy realizes that he does not live an ordinary life.

Little boy lives the life of a thinker.

Little boy lives the life of a worrier.

Little boy lives the life of a dreamer.

Little boy is an idealist.

Little boy likes to dream.

Little boy dreams about lasting happiness.

Little boy dreams about a brighter world.

Little boy dreams about people getting along better, people never fighting.

Little boy dreams of equality of all kinds.

Little boy closes his eyes and sees a whole other world.

 

Little boy wonders why he’s here. Little boy doesn’t know.

Little boy still suffers. Little boy is still trying – trying to live.

Little boy has lost hope, but he pushed himself back up every time.

Little boy really wants to live. He really does. Who can teach him how?

 

Little boy doesn’t see the end. Little boy thinks it’s a lost cause.

Little boy thinks maybe he’s doomed to failure.

Little boy thinks he’s meant to struggle his whole life.

Little boy struggles with things others don’t, and he’s too ashamed to admit.

Little boy doesn’t want to be alone.

 

Little boy crosses path with many, some lingers for longer.

Little boy makes some new friends, but keeps losing his old ones. Story of his life, he says.

Little boy doesn’t like how transient things are. Little boy doesn’t like change.

Little boy has yet to have a meaningful relationship. Little boy wonders how they feel.

Little boy wonders how people can be friends for more than ten years. He can’t even keep friends for more than ten months.

Little boy wants to not care anymore. That is why. Little boy doesn’t know why he should either.

I lied when I said little boy has the heart of a man.

 

 

Little boy doesn’t have the heart of a man.

Little boy is a little boy. He will always be.

Little boy is not so young anymore. But he is still the little boy. The little boy all the same.

Little boy finds it hard to change. Everybody does, he thinks.

Little boy is sad that he only changes a little from Part I to Part II.

Little boy says sorry.

 

 

Little boy really tried.

 

 

Little boy will try harder.

 

 

 

Little boy failed for many years, but again.. he really didn’t.

Little boy learned so much from his failures.

Little boy has learned to depend on himself.

Little boy has learned to laugh.

Little boy has learned to cry. Like a man.

Little boy has learned to embrace who he is.

Little boy has learned that life is incredibly hard.

Little boy has learned that life is incredibly beautiful, with all its challenges and surprises.

Little boy has not overcome his challenges, but little boy is gaining experience – the hard way.

Little boy has taken a long journey, and it is nowhere near over. So…. What now?

Little boy’s failure is not really negative. It is going to help him move on. It is going to help him become a better person. It is going to make him proud.

It is a fascinating failure.

 

PS: Little boy does not know if there will be a Part III.

Little boy suspects so.

Little boy wants to hear. Little boy wants to hear from you.

0236 – Story of a little boy (Part I)

Little boy lives an ordinary life.

Little boy sees so many people around him.

Little boy is just one in a trillion. Just one little dot in the world.

Little boy doesn’t know a lot about life.

Little boy doesn’t know why there is so many people here.

Little boy is lost. Little boy is confused.

Little boy thinks he wants to make an impact, but little boy is not sure how.

Little boy struggles. Little boy struggles with the same old problem.

Little boy feels alone.

 

 

 

Little boy just wants to be happy, like anybody else.

Little boy wishes that he is a more perfect being, so he won’t have to suffer.

Little boy wishes that he doesn’t get depressed so easily. Little boy wishes he is happy all the time.

Little boy wishes he has good friends.

Little boy wishes he has love.

Little boy wishes for a lot of things. After all, a little boy is just a little boy.

Little boy sometimes wonder what the point of all this is. We all are going to die anyway.

Little boy loses hope sometimes, but…

Little boy knows that he is better than this.

Little boy knows that he is a fighter.

Little boy knows that he does not give up.

Little boy knows the fight is not easy.

Little boy knows he is not perfect.

Little boy knows he is going to keep walking.

Little boy knows these things, but little boy doesn’t know a lot of things.

Little boy doesn’t know if he’ll win.

Little boy doesn’t know if he’ll reach the end.

Little boy doesn’t know how much he’s going to suffer.

Little boy doesn’t know how often he can be happy.

Little boy doesn’t know the future. Nobody does.

 

 

Little boy is going to fight.

Little boy is going to go out there and see the world.

Little boy is going to  motivate himself if he is alone.

Little boy is going to fight.

 

 

Little boy has the heart of a man.

 

 

 

Little boy asks you to do the same.