0197 – From a different world

So I can almost say I am provoked to blog about this.

You know I always wonder how Americanized I am and what are some of the differences that still exist.

One of them manifests itself in the most frustrating and tormenting of ways.

In my exam the grader made a wrong addition and gave me three extra points. And that bothers me. It bothers me a lot. I don’t go yesss I get three free points muhahahaha I am so happy. I was very stressed and torn. I don’t know what to do. To me, the noble and right thing to do was to return it to get it corrected. and I am going to do that.

I am very fazed by this issue. I care about my grades, and I care about my integrity. It’s not too bad for me to take more time to study and less time to break, and people make fun of me for that. People make fun of me for being honest, too. My friend said ‘That’s the dumbest thing ever.’ Imagine how I feel.

You guys might not understand, and may never will. You see I’m a very unique/weird/special/dumb/isolated/outcast/call-it-whatever-you-wanna-call-it. You might never find one even barely similar to me in your lifetime.

At this age of nineteen, I care a lot about religion, honesty, integrity and doing the right thing. I care a lot about my grades too. I live without needing much fun. I am depressed often, but life goes on. I haven’t met any other 19-year-olds like me.

To the friends I talked about, if you’re reading this, I told you because I wanted support that I badly need. I told you because I need reassurance that I need the right thing. No thanks to you for calling me dumb. Make fun of me all you want, but I am who I am. and I will continue to be so. Judge me if you want to – that’s your right. But I beg you to not judge, and be nice, because I still wanna be friends. If you don’t support me, please support me and don’t criticize me, because it’s tough enough to live my own life.

I feel like I come from a different world, living in a land where nobody feels nor acts like me. Sometimes, it’s very very depressing to be unique.

Hopefully, life moves on. again.


0196 – Reevaluating life

Life changes in the most amazing of ways. You never thought you’d change. You thought you’re sure about your life. Then come the unexpected. As long as you keep thinking, you learn so much.

I found out about Sir Ken Robinson, a champion of creativity and educational reform: www.youtube.com/watch. This might just become my biggest goal in life thus far.

Education does kill creativity. I am usurped into the system where rote memorization and conformity are the two biggest assets that leads to success in the system. That’s just not fair, is it? Come to think of it, we’re almost entrapped here, oppressed from the freedom of expression and carefree exploration that we are entitled to.

How do we fight? How do a hundred supporters fight against the system that has been in place for so long?

I ponder about these things.

Life brings its challenges like that. You know it makes me realize that indeed I might be here for a reason, and I should start believing that. We all should.

I’m different, to say the least. I don’t enjoy partying. I don’t enjoy dancing. I don’t even enjoy music that much, just at times. I can’t even take those I’m-so-happy-all-the-time-the-world’s-beautiful type of people; they’re too happy for me. I don’t really belong anywhere, and that makes living life difficult. Ain’t I different? I sometimes wonder if I’m born in the wrong era.

Then as I was in the midst of elevating stress levels because I don’t know who I am and where I should be, life changes again. Goals start to shift, and priorities start to change, in the most unexpected way. It’s not necessarily a good or bad thing. What it shows is that life is uncertain, and we all change all the time. Even the most certain of circumstances or beliefs is bound to change.

As I sit and blog about this, I realize that I know shit about life, and, unlike life, that may never change.

Now I’m wondering: how do I find the courage and ability to do what I know I want to do? and how do I remain uniquely and differently me, without being lost in the society?