0117 – Responsibilities.

Just a little excerpt from Reader’s Digest written by Kathleen Kennedy, daughter of JFK.

"Just as we honoured those who had died, it was also wise to remember that we must live for those who were still with us. Our sadness didn’t give us an excuse for endless solitude, for retreat from life’s challenges. As Mother Jones, the great unionactivist of the early 20th century, put it: "Pray for the dead and fight like hell for the living.""

Responsibility is a hard-earned quality. As a teenager, I still have no idea how hard it is for adults to handle all their responsibilities. Well certainly it looks hard. As Kathleen Kennedy put, one cannot simply ‘retreat’ away. One gotta fight to the very end.

I keep lamenting how I want independence and how I seek freedom, but will I be able to handle the responsibilities? Now, as an older brother, I am already failing. She’s one of those that speak before they think – very easily irritated, easily . I tried to advice her, to teach her, but she just pushed me away every time! She is also egocentric sometimes – she’s always right, everything’s about her. That’s no good, isn’t it. I admit I am like her sometimes, but I’m trying to control. She doesn’t know she’s in the wrong. She’ll be arguing and raising her voice against my parents, and against ME (she does it so often), and she’ll be like "What’d I do!" I’ve tried the soft and calm approach, but it doesn’t work. I’m out of swords.

Enough about my life. I’ll talk in generic terms now.

Let’s bring back the phrase: "it was also wise to remember that we must live for those who were still with us."

Most of us are just so so egocentric most of the time, unintentionally so. Every time we have troubles, we think our troubles are wayyyyy biggg, and that our troubles are the most important. We indeed don’t remember that there are those who might be in deeper pain, or those who might be in pain from seeing us in pain.

Life is just wayyy complex; I get a mental block thinking about this. Well, I have nothing to say. lol. I’ve slightly lost my ability to think, or so I think. I’m not as good pondering these unanswerable issues. I’ve gotta get out to the world. I’m staying home 24 hours a day. lol. I gotta go out!!!!! But I have no friends, and nowhere to go. -pouts

(Or maybe… I just ask to many questions? lol)

0116 – The Story of Day 5, Australian Open 2009.

Take your picks:

Which is the bigger story – Jelena Dokic winning or Ana Ivanovic losing?

Which is the bigger disappointment – Federer vs Safin match or Ivanovic losing?

I don’t particularly like this year’s Aussie Open. Many players I’m supporting have been defeated and the quality of play in the first few rounds have been less than spectacular. Well, when my favorite players aren’t playing, I support underdogs. Most of the time, underdogs don’t win. So I’m pretty disappointed this time.

When Day 5 came, I was again hoping for the underdogs to win. I wasn’t really expecting them to win though. But wow did Dokic and Kleybanova surprise me. I think partly the reason Ana lost today is the competition atop the rankings. People were fighting for the top spot, and she did reach the final last year and has a lot of points to defend. Ana has proven once again that she cannot handle that pressure. Another one slam wonder?

With Venus and Ana gone, the women’s draw opens up a little bit. Dementieva has some breathing space now; if she can get through Stosur and Cibulkova, she should be safely into the semis fighting with Dinara Safina. She should have a lot of confidence into that match if it were to take place.

Now, on to Dokic. boy, boy, boy. I dunno what to say about this lady. I empathised with her hardships and family breakdown, and I am so glad she’s back. I expected more from the fuzzy-haired Wozniacki though. She just cracked under pressure didn’t she? The proud was totally pro-Dokic, the underdog, making the Dane crack under the sheer pressure of trying a match that she should win on paper. Bad luck for Wozniacki as well perhaps, but I’m sure she’ll stick around for a while. Potential top-tenner, though I think she needs to improve her game significantly before getting into the top-five.

Ana Ivanovic losing seems to be such a fateful happening for her; playing against Kleybanova would surely be easier than playing Ivanovic. The match is now Dokic’s for the taking. I’m looking forward to the continuation of the fairytale. At least for one more round. πŸ™‚

0115 – VENUS??!!!

Pardon me, but Venus Williams, WHAT IN THE WORLD?!!!!! 2nd round of a GS! That’s nonsense!

The loss broke my heart 😦

Words can’t express how disappointed, disgruntled, disparaged, shocked, angry I am right now.

The only bright side I can see out of this is that Dementieva has a better path towards the semis now.

In other news, Nadal and Murray is in hot form!

0114 – The past, present and the future.

I thought of something quite unlike me today. so that intrigues me.

Inspired by my 14-year-old sister who was trying to remind me of my notorious past:

"I don’t need to be reminded of the past. The past is what molds this present, and this present is molding the future. In this present I’m busy trying to mold the future and I don’t wanna, I don’t really have time to, reminisce the past."

Not always the case, but intriguing nonetheless.

I’m trying to rise above my past.

P.S. Written in memory of Miranda Bailey of Grey’s Anatomy saving a Nazi’s life.

0112 – I'm sorry.

Now, time for a little informal chitchat.

I’m different, somehow. I don’t know who I am now. My brain’s rotting. I can’t seem to be able to think anymore. So bear with me for a while πŸ™‚ I’ll put up a nice post soon, within a month πŸ™‚

And I miss reading all of your blogs!

Now, I need to talk tennis.

Omg Murray is getting better and better! And he’s like so calm and un-Murray! And he beat Federer! twice! hah!

and why did nadal lose to Monfils?!!!! That sucks big time. And Serena just beat Wozniacki in a third set TB. goshhh. that’s sad.

And France lost Hopman Cup in the Round Robin stage! WHY WHY WHYYYYYY.

Who’s going to win the Aussie now! Anticipation. Goshhh. Why can’t the draw just come out quickly!!!

And I hope Federer doesn’t break Pete’s records, because all Pete rocks, including me πŸ™‚

0111 – The law of physics applies.

The number 111 is nice. This calls for a special post, a special idea.

INPUT is not equal to OUTPUT. There is energy loss in every step of the way.

Have you ever felt that way?

I always feel that I put in so much effort, but what I get in return fades in comparison to the commitment I’ve made. I always tried so hard. always. I just don’t get what I wanted. Maybe my ‘so hard’ is not actually ‘so hard’. Maybe I don’t want what I want hard enough. The law of physics applies. The object moves in the direction with the resultant force. If I don’t apply enough force, I lose out. Simple, right?

The energy loss happens in many ways. It hurts us in different ways. I channel off a lot of negative energy. That hurts profoundly, for a lack of a better word. The negative energy  causes the inefficiency, and if I can find a way to remove this inefficiency, I would not require so much input. Now physicists and chemical engineers have been trying to increase efficiency all the time. Why can’t I do the same to myself? Why do I find being positive so hard?

I have a twisted sense of logic. I believe that being pessimistic is good. I view things negatively so that when they turn out better, I become happy; and when they don’t, I don’t feel too devastated. That causes negative energy, but it works for me. This is by all means not a good approach towards life, but I have yet to find another angle to view the world.

Now, back to the energy part.

Some people channel off energy because they help other people. They help others reach their goal while they neglect their own. That’s selflessness. Something I admire. In the end, the output seems to be so small, so small that the selfless people are prompted to feel "What’s wrong with trying to make the world a better place for someone?" But you know what, the strong ones move on. No matter how much input they need, they keep providing it. Then in the future, the thought of having helped others empower and fuel you, such that the input seems so easy to give.

Can I be like that?

Don’t break the law of physics; just choose the correct way to dissipate energy.

0110 – Some things are just meant to be.

There were almost 18 assassination attempts on Hitler. He survived them. He survived them! 18! Goodness sake!

Why did he survive? Maybe he was meant to. Maybe the world needs to witness such ruthless authoritarian. Maybe the world needs an extremist to remind itself what it should not become. The Masterplan of the world? Perhaps.

On a less serious note, maybe Hitler was there so that historians have something to talk about and that history textbooks can be a little thicker.

Nevertheless, some things are just meant to be.

We don’t have all the control over our lives, but we can choose where we want to head. Whether we head there properly and whether we reach the destination are all depending on the Masterplan.

Where am I heading now? Do you think I’ve changed? I feel… lackluster, drained, devoid of motivation. This is bad.

0109 – Solitude & the comfort of the self.

INCHOATE WORLD I MISS YOU SO MUCH.

And I miss you guys who read my blog, especially Rachel, Erin and Kayln! πŸ™‚

So I’ve been home all day long and all week. Alone, most of the time anyway. I kinda like it. It’s a weird experience, really. I haven’t been home in a long time. I’m getting all lazy and cozy. Becoming a couch potato (can I be a couch pumpkin instead?). The funny thing is.. I haven’t really missed all my friends that much. It’s surprising because I thought I will miss them dearly. I’m accustomed to being alone. I’m used to living by myself. I’m used to not having friends. Or maybe, I’m just shutting down from my surroundings by staying home all day; so much so that I don’t feel my emotions anymore?

Whatever the cause/effect, living in solitude is not that hard for me. And I might really seek solitude in the future, like Siddhartha.

I went back to Singapore in early January to collect my results. They’re pretty good πŸ™‚ But like I said to my close friend, we humans are hungry for success and hungry for power. Some determined ones never stop until they get the best, while some suffering ones never stop suffering from wanting more.  As for me, I suffered. Yes I suffered, and I suffer, and I will suffer. It was a mistake that cost 140 dollars. Woosh, it’s gone with the wind. Sometimes people get too greedy sometimes. I need self-control.

This mistake will go down as one the worst decisions I’ve made, out of greediness and cockiness, but I’m proud of what I’ve achieved. It wasn’t easy at all.

I’m not sure how my outlook on the world is at the moment. It seems blank… devoid of meaning.

0108 – Oh how foolish we are! How foolish I am!

It boggles me. Let’s say Tommy Hilfiger came up with a new perfume. They hire a super hot model/celeb to be its presenter. They shoot pictures of him, almost always hot/sexy/naked, and voila… Tommy Hilfiger sold its new perfume. =.=
And they paste pictures of celebs around their stores as if the celebs actually use their products all the time, and as if from these celeb pictures emanate the flagrance of the perfume. We’re just foolish aren’t we. Whoever is hotter, more handsome, more loveable, more sexy or more attractive can sell almost anything on earth.

Haha this is just a rant. I guess Al Gore was right when he said that we have subdued to the power of manipulation from the media. I mean who in the whole wide world will start questioning the logic of these advertisements?

Oh well. Back to the present.

Can I complain again? Who does my holiday not feel like a holiday? Work just seems to jump at me all the time. I hope I’ll be done by January, but wait and see, i won’t. Work will jump at me again. And I’ll feel all stressed up, as if I am attending school again.

I need Hopman Cup 2009 now now now nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!