0185 – What more do I want?

It took me 18 (I still think I’m 18) 19 years to realize that I’m being an asshole to my sister. She’s young, she’s (not very) innocent, and she doesn’t know how to help herself. but I’m still an asshole. I’m a big brother, and I’m supposed to help. No matter how annoying it is. No matter how troublesome it is. No matter how busy I am.

So, I am going to try to be nice from now on. It’s kinda against my nature to help somebody who doesnt help himself, but I will try.

My sister and I fight all the time. She told me she didn’t wanna come to Michigan because she doesn’t wanna be with me. That may not be a big deal to you, but trust me, it hurt. So bad.

Today, I was nice to her on Facebook, and she said she missed me. What more can I ask for =) I wouldn’t tell this to my sister no matter what, and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know this blog’s existence, so I’m safe. but that was sweet to hear.


Yesterday, my mother asked me "Why do you have to think so much?"

"Don’t worry. Just enjoy life."

I don’t know why I think. I just always think. Always. It makes life so difficult. I’ve always said that if I stopped thinking then I won’t be me anymore. But maybe that’s not true. Everybody change from time to time. Maybe I have to. I live a crappy life because I keep thinking. ABOUT EVERYTHING. and stress myself out. I worry about where my life’s heading. I worry about the use of my studying here. I worry about how I am spending every minute here. All this is really horrible. Because I do not wanna worry about all these things.

Maybe I’m born different. Maybe I’m destined to do a little more than others do. Maybe I’m destined to be harsher than myself than others are on themselves. Maybe I am supposed to achieve more and make every single second count. Maybe I’m supposed to do this.

But if I’m not happy, what’s the point?

Stop thinking, please.


3 thoughts on “0185 – What more do I want?

    • existentiallife August 20, 2007 / 9:01 am

      pathetic comment. haiz.
      i don fren u gid

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