It was December 13th 2014. Relaxing in a pool during my Hong Kong trip, it dawned on me: 2014 is almost over, and I have nothing to show for it.
I sat there for the longest time, wondering where 2014 had gone. I had accomplished nothing. Nothing to showcase. Nothing to be proud of. Had I been so lazy? So ineffectual? So oblivious?
The truth is… in 2014, I traveled to a new continent. I met new friends. I learned scuba diving. I started my first job. I took one course on the US higher education system. I traveled some more. I visited waterfalls and island paradises and cultural heritages. I learned more about the environmental movement.
The truth ALSO is… that 2014 was not good enough for me. I did not travel the way I want. I did not grow as much as I want. I did not get closer to my dreams. A wise woman once told me: “Pete, you have to stop judging yourself by a higher moral standard than the one you use to judge others.” She is on point. I am my harshest critic. But I’m not really willing to lower my standard. I am simply striving to be the man I want to be. And is it wrong to hope that collectively the world will ascend to a higher moral ground? After all, our current one is destroying our planet.
I want my life to mean something. I want to always be in relentless pursuit of a goal and waste no time. One tiny problem – I have no idea what my goal in life is, and I was too tired to keep looking.
In 2014, I gave up. And now, as I judge myself with my lofty moral standard, I feel guilty.
Have you ever felt like this?
So in 2015, my resolution is simple: to keep fighting to be the best version of me, and to continue questioning whether my perception of ‘best’ can still be elevated.
Here’s to 2015!