0176 – A new dawn, a new day, a new life

Every moment in life is but a path we walk through. Every moment is a new day, a new life. Stepping out of my comfort zone of Singapore into the land of the free, I sense endless possibilities, and endless ramifications. Unless you are God, your future, like mine, is a cloud of mist. I don’t know if I’m walking in the right direction. I don’t know where I’m gonna end up.

Every life decision is a major one. I have to make countless of them. Actually, I get obsessed with them. I never stop thinking about them. Now I’m thinking.. you know.. I might just have to find a way to stop thinking about them, because every step leads to a new dawn , a new day and a new life.

Surviving college is more challenging that I expected. I have to struggle with understanding the American culture, trying to make friends, trying to beat the crap out of others and get the research project that I really want, trying to make time for everything that I want to do, AND trying to excel academically. Should I do a double degree? I don’t know.

It’s really a crucial period, I feel. It’s like.. the bridge between childhood and adulthood. It is during this period that I have to make the tough decisions, learn things on my own, be fully fully independent. Sometimes Often, we as humans make the wrong choice. But that’s okay. We’re humans. It’s a cloud of mist we’re looking at. We never know what we’re going to get.

Right now, I’m trying to make a really really important decision. I’m seeing a gloomy, ominous dense cloud of mist before me. I don’t know what to do. Once I step in, I can’t back out.

What do I really want? I ask myself.

If you’re the select few who are convinced of the answer you have to that question, good for you. I’m not one of them. Even people who think they know they have the answer to that question change their minds later on. We never know. We never know.

So… I guess the only thing left in life is trail and error (albeit a calculated one)?

Yeah!

"But…," you might argue, "the fear!"

Ah the fear… I do feel the fear. It’s almost overwhelming. It consumes you alive.

Still, what is life, if not a series of choices strung together?

Make your own choice. Live your own life.

Because I know the reward of self-fulfillment is divine.

One day, I would like to be able to sing this portion of My Hallelujah Song (by Julianne Hough – one of my favorites) with all of my heart and conviction,

Look at me, can’t believe
I finally made it here
Feeling like I’m where I belong
Singing my hallelujah song

Hard to find, took some time
But I think that I might be hittin’
On what’s been missing all along

And lastly, to quote Melanie Oudin’s shoes, I believe.

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9 thoughts on “0176 – A new dawn, a new day, a new life

  1. _lexizzle August 11, 2007 / 3:23 pm

    i have your booking number! i shall cancel your flight home. haha!
    i hate you, pete. have fun back home though 😀

    • existentiallife August 11, 2007 / 3:25 pm

      lol. how about i didnt go home in june. oh ya you too. lol. nvm councillor very big now! can dwell on your prowess! lol.

  2. nirasha August 12, 2007 / 12:40 am

    mmmmmmmm
    Pete. have fun back home and come back quick quick. we will miss you awfully. ❤

    • existentiallife August 12, 2007 / 5:09 am

      hmm… lol. I’m sure Nirasha. haha. anw will miss you all too.
      I forbid you all to do all the ‘in’ things while I’m not around. lol. Just kidding (:

  3. lilac_repose August 12, 2007 / 11:59 am

    “I wanna go back school liaooo.”
    NOO! how can you say that. this holiday has been so fun. better than june hols. whooooo. pete i wanna go bangkok and shop!

  4. girlspell September 24, 2009 / 3:18 am

    It was great to see your post. It’s been so long. I was wondering how your were doing. What you’re doing is very hard. You have to deal with culture shock and school all at the same time. You will have a rough time, but good times too. Just stick with what you’re doing. you’ll be fine. I smiled when I saw that reference to Julianne Hough’s song. And I like you and Melanie Oudin, I too believe.

    • existentiallife September 24, 2009 / 3:28 am

      You know Julianne Hough? I’m pleasantly surprised!
      Yeah Oudin was totally a surprise. Kinda like a testament to you never know what you’re gonna get idea.
      So how’re you doing? Still on furlough?

      • girlspell September 24, 2009 / 3:34 am

        We will be getting more furloughs, but not until spring break when the students will not be there. 😦 At least I still have my job.
        Julianne Hough is a kind of country pop singer. I’ve heard a few of her songs.
        School must a little tough. Hope you’re hanging in.
        That was some final of the US Open, eh? What was Serena thinking??? I was happy Kim won. I do like her. Kind of sad Roger lost though…

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