Every moment in life is but a path we walk through. Every moment is a new day, a new life. Stepping out of my comfort zone of Singapore into the land of the free, I sense endless possibilities, and endless ramifications. Unless you are God, your future, like mine, is a cloud of mist. I don’t know if I’m walking in the right direction. I don’t know where I’m gonna end up.
Every life decision is a major one. I have to make countless of them. Actually, I get obsessed with them. I never stop thinking about them. Now I’m thinking.. you know.. I might just have to find a way to stop thinking about them, because every step leads to a new dawn , a new day and a new life.
Surviving college is more challenging that I expected. I have to struggle with understanding the American culture, trying to make friends, trying to beat the crap out of others and get the research project that I really want, trying to make time for everything that I want to do, AND trying to excel academically. Should I do a double degree? I don’t know.
It’s really a crucial period, I feel. It’s like.. the bridge between childhood and adulthood. It is during this period that I have to make the tough decisions, learn things on my own, be fully fully independent.
Sometimes Often, we as humans make the wrong choice. But that’s okay. We’re humans. It’s a cloud of mist we’re looking at. We never know what we’re going to get.
Right now, I’m trying to make a really really important decision. I’m seeing a gloomy, ominous dense cloud of mist before me. I don’t know what to do. Once I step in, I can’t back out.
What do I really want? I ask myself.
If you’re the select few who are convinced of the answer you have to that question, good for you. I’m not one of them. Even people who think they know they have the answer to that question change their minds later on. We never know. We never know.
So… I guess the only thing left in life is trail and error (albeit a calculated one)?
"But…," you might argue, "the fear!"
Ah the fear… I do feel the fear. It’s almost overwhelming. It consumes you alive.
Still, what is life, if not a series of choices strung together?
Make your own choice. Live your own life.
Because I know the reward of self-fulfillment is divine.
One day, I would like to be able to sing this portion of My Hallelujah Song (by Julianne Hough – one of my favorites) with all of my heart and conviction,
Look at me, can’t believe
I finally made it here
Feeling like I’m where I belong
Singing my hallelujah song
Hard to find, took some time
But I think that I might be hittin’
On what’s been missing all along
And lastly, to quote Melanie Oudin’s shoes, I believe.