It’s been a long time since I’ve been here. It feels deserted.
Just as I started to see some real beauty wonder of the world, reality hit me again. I went to University of Michigan. I miss my best friend. I miss all my friends and I find it very hard to make new ones. I didn’t want these changes.
I didn’t expect to become so attached to the Thai scholars either, but it just happened. You know, I had fun. I didn’t think about Buddhist ideals much. I didn’t think about my academic future.
Maybe it’s time to just.. let life be. I’m starting to feel like maybe I shouldn’t care too much about academics – it’s okay to get Cs and it’s okay not to get that double degree that I wanted. I still want that, but maybe sometimes we all just force life too hard. Life needs some freedom too.
Maybe I can do crazy and wild things. Maybe I don’t have to feel guilty when I am not in touch with the Buddhist way of life. Man, I gotta chill. Believe in what I wanna believe. I barely understand myself most of the time. Why make life more complicated?
I really don’t like these uncalled-for changes, but I guess I gotta learn to get over it.
But do I really wanna try to forget the past that I so dearly cling on to right now? I don’t know. Some things are worth clinging on to, but these things inevitably pull us back. Gotta decide which and when to keep, and when to let go.