0157 – The biggest challenge yet.

Hah. If I didn’t know better, I’d say it’s foreshadowing. I was a little bit emo the day before yesterday, perhaps to set the mood for yesterday.

I was just informed of a very… overlooked problem: Apparently, I’m arrogant.

You know what. I’m kinda angry. People used to call me humble, but now arrogant? What in the world?

Due to the fact that my English and experience is better than my Thai counterparts at this summer program, it has been extremely difficult for me to decide how to behave in class. Now, I have more freedom and confidence to speak up, and somehow it passed off as arrogance. It’s not fair, really. And they just told me. After three weeks.

Yet, if I come to think of it, I am perhaps over-confident and arrogant (God it sucks to call myself this way. I hate this.) even though some of my friends noted that they don’t see it. This is really one of the things that I have overlooked and yet to be able to control. It sucks, because I like to be in control.

Hah. And I was wondering why every single teacher and TA here seems to hate me. Mannnnnn. How do I change myself? Remain quiet all the time? I lose points for participation. Then how do I not convey arrogance when I say something if I don’t know that in the first place!

If one looks carefully life is just literature. Foreshadowing is everywhere. Similes and metaphors all over the place. There are figurative meanings hidden behind the surface. Our styles are unique and distinct. We have different structures.

Life is the most difficult piece of literature ever to be created.

It is almost the world has fallen on me and I have to start anew. There is so much burden. I don’t know what to do. I’ve never been this clueless. But my arrogance exists, and it is thriving. That sense of self has consumed me. I need to kill it.

Now, to overcome what has probably been a part of me for so long – if not forever – is my biggest challenge yet. I need more strength, yet again.

P.S. And I thought I’m a pretty reticent guy. I don’t know what I’d do without this blog. I would’ve exploded. Thank you, blog.


2 thoughts on “0157 – The biggest challenge yet.

  1. scentimental July 14, 2009 / 2:23 pm

    ohno): this is what i’m afraid of. or the opposite of that, too quiet/drab.
    think there’s nothing you can do abt it pete. just hang in there, and let your awesome personality shine through. try to be less kaisu, i think? and help ppl more? tho i think you probly already help ppl since you helped me last time as well.
    don’t let it get to you!!!!(:
    chin up!(:

  2. yankeedandeee July 17, 2009 / 3:34 pm

    woah i admire the fact that you can talk about your problems so openly; sometimes i dont even know the source of my own troubles haha. anw from another point of view, the others are just sour grapes really.. it’s impossible to please the entire world but that’s what we always wish t achieve. i guess prolly just b more reserved? idk haha. but there will def ppl there who like you simply for who you are. as for the rest just ignore altho yea it’s easier said than done.

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