There’s really a thing about America. Many things actually.
Firstly, I have to learn to distinguish the coins. It touches me as rather misleading and… weird for the five cents coin to be larger than the ten cents coin, and for the one cent coins to be the larger than the dime. And also, for the quarter to be almost equal in size with the five cents coin. It’s crazy. I need to learn to distinguish them. fast.
Apart from that, I must say I haven’t really experienced America. Being confined within the compounds of Brewster Academy around 20 hours a day, and the only sign of development is a small downtown, I really haven’t gotten to the most of America. However, I do feel that I have fallen in love with America. This is a competitive society that we’re in. I’m a very competitive person, and it is bringing my inner spirit out. I’ve embraced it. I loved it. I love America.
Furthermore, Americans are daring and courageous, the two traits that I so lack. Yet, while I’m here, it’s almost as if the spirit of America, the embodiment of American qualities, has touched me and empowered me. I feel a surge of willpower and a surge of determination. I’m getting a little bit more daring. I’m getting there. I’m trying to open up myself, to voice myself without fearing criticism. I’m expressing myself in the ways that I should be.
Yet, it’s amazing how easy it is for me to forget the things which my soul believed it, and this saddens me. I forgot about all the Buddhist sentiments and values that I’ve learned. I forgot about trying to control my kilesa. I had fun. I lost my consciousness. A part of me had died.
Can I revive it now?
It seems so daunting and difficult to do so. So many distractions, yet so much appeal. So many defilements, yet so much indelible happiness.
Is there a middle path? Can I balance these these paradoxical entities? Can I revive that part of my soul which I so love and cherish? Can I?
Strength I need.