0125 – Randy Pausch writes memorable last quarter of the book

"Somehow, with the passage of time, and the deadlines that life imposes, surrendering became the right thing to do."

"Yes, I’m a great optimist. But when trying to make a decision, I often think of the worst-case scenario. I call it "The Eaten By Wolves Factor." … One thing that makes it possible to be an optimist is if you have a contingency plan for when all hell breaks loose. There are a lot of things I don’t worry about because I have a plan in place if they do."

Well well, looks like I have a lot to learn.

I wanted to rant about how …. wasteful, in terms of both money and time, and useless some of the things I do about university application matters. Instead, I’m gonna turn it into a reflection, in response to the quote from Randy.

I am kind of a pessimist. I look for the ‘worst-case scenario’ that Randy talks about almost all the time. Yet, I spend my time fearing that these worse-case scenarios might actually happen, and I might just die, metaphorically. I don’t always come up with a contingency plan; sometimes I just felt as if things are slated to happen and I can’t do anything to happen. But no. I can do something. It’s not Destiny who chooses my path; I choose the path, and destiny walks me through it. I have to be in control.

Sometimes my contingency plan can be just trying to calm myself down. Being severely emotional sucks when you don’t get what you want. I need to learn that I can’t have it my way all the time. I need to compromise.

Part of being a Scorpio means that I demand the best for myself, relentlessly and determinedly. And I am trying to handle this urge to be on top. Being a Scorpio gives me great vitality and energy, which if channeled in the positive way will, I hope, lead me to be something great. So I have to really stop messing around already. Emotions drain lots of energy. lots and lots.

(I wanna digress a bit. Sorry. lol.

Maybe that’s why I feel so miserable these days. I am home, playing computer, and slacking all the time. Basically, I’m doing nothing. And I’m so not happy with that. I want to DO SOMETHING. I wanna have responsibilities. I wanna have work! lol. I wanna fast forward myself to my time in university.

Now, back to the topic.)

So, yes. I am always not happy about something, even when something very good happens. Let me give you an example.

University applications are a vital turning point in my life, so of course I have contingency planS. I have plan A, plan B and plan C. I applied through this program, applied through that website, applied for this scholarship, took the SAT, took the TOEFL, took the Thai scholarship test, applied for financial aid, bla bla bla. I do everything. I do everything in my power to see that I WILL get into a good university and that I will hopefully be able to afford the education in the USA, the free world.

I thought Plan A was gonna falter so I spent so much effort making sure that plan B will succeed. I’m not going to know the results yet, not until March 31, 2009. Anyhow, I spent so much money and so much paper (one-sided print! T-T) and so much energy trying to secure Plan B.

Plan A succeeds.

I should be over the moon, right?

No, I ranted to myself about how I shouldn’t have wasted so much money on Plan B. Well, even though the amount of money I had to spend altogether was outrageous, it was a contingency plan – a very important one, because Plan A may have very well failed. I somehow can’t learn to accept that. I blogged about my input in everything being not worth the output I receive, but I always forget the fact that contingency plans provide security and certainty, two of the things I dearly require in my life.

So, I’m going to try to slowly teach myself to understand how the law of thermodynamics apply to my life.

God bless my soul.

———————————–

Anyway, a bit about Randy’s book.  found the first three quarters of the book very boring, and I didn’t really like this book as a whole. Actually, I don’t really like reading this kind of book because it’s always written by some super human being who has achieved to come to terns with his life – someone who is extranordinary in more ways than one. Well, I’m not there yet. Everyone loves people who succeed, but what about losers? Underachievers? Failures? I wanna read about how losers have come to accept themselves as who they are, because acceptance is something I struggle with on a daily basis. Furthermore, the futureis uncertain and I might very well become a loser. Being content and loving yourself when you suck are feats that not many people can achieve.
 

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One thought on “0125 – Randy Pausch writes memorable last quarter of the book

  1. scentimental February 17, 2009 / 4:08 pm

    congrats!
    so what’s the plan? or wld you rather tell me next time i see you online?

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