0109 – Solitude & the comfort of the self.

INCHOATE WORLD I MISS YOU SO MUCH.

And I miss you guys who read my blog, especially Rachel, Erin and Kayln! ๐Ÿ™‚

So I’ve been home all day long and all week. Alone, most of the time anyway. I kinda like it. It’s a weird experience, really. I haven’t been home in a long time. I’m getting all lazy and cozy. Becoming a couch potato (can I be a couch pumpkin instead?). The funny thing is.. I haven’t really missed all my friends that much. It’s surprising because I thought I will miss them dearly. I’m accustomed to being alone. I’m used to living by myself. I’m used to not having friends. Or maybe, I’m just shutting down from my surroundings by staying home all day; so much so that I don’t feel my emotions anymore?

Whatever the cause/effect, living in solitude is not that hard for me. And I might really seek solitude in the future, like Siddhartha.

I went back to Singapore in early January to collect my results. They’re pretty good ๐Ÿ™‚ But like I said to my close friend, we humans are hungry for success and hungry for power. Some determined ones never stop until they get the best, while some suffering ones never stop suffering from wanting more.  As for me, I suffered. Yes I suffered, and I suffer, and I will suffer. It was a mistake that cost 140 dollars. Woosh, it’s gone with the wind. Sometimes people get too greedy sometimes. I need self-control.

This mistake will go down as one the worst decisions I’ve made, out of greediness and cockiness, but I’m proud of what I’ve achieved. It wasn’t easy at all.

I’m not sure how my outlook on the world is at the moment. It seems blank… devoid of meaning.

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7 thoughts on “0109 – Solitude & the comfort of the self.

  1. girlspell January 14, 2009 / 5:13 pm

    “And I might really seek solitude in the future, like Siddhartha.”
    Funny, I don’t see you as a ferryman. ๐Ÿ™‚
    Your out look on life is not dead. You just haven’t decided…thats all.
    I’m happy about your school results. Have you decided which university you will go?

    • existentiallife January 14, 2009 / 5:51 pm

      You read Siddhartha!!!! I kinda like that book! I don’t really understand it though. It’s complex. I had to read it as a part of my English course.
      Ummm I applied to many ivies, still waiting for replies. and i got accepted to umich, UIUC, and wisconsin and minnesota as well.
      maybe we can meet up when i’m in the U.S.! or maybe i can check out UMBC’s library! haha. am i allowed in there?

  2. tennisdeva January 16, 2009 / 1:04 am

    Siddhartha… memories of high school. *Shudders in anguish*
    I wonder if the Erin you are referring to is me? If so, I’m flattered that you miss me!
    And I agree with you on power and humans. I read somewhere that power is the only drug regulated by the SEC and not the FDA. Funny.

    • existentiallife January 16, 2009 / 9:25 am

      Of course you’re the only Erin I know ๐Ÿ™‚ and i just realized you wrote many many articles about tennis. lol.
      I was damn furious that Nadal lost to Monfils too. I mean, what the hell?! right?!
      nadal and dementieva for aussie!

  3. tennisdeva January 16, 2009 / 8:02 pm

    Hey, it’s an odd year. Serena’s won it every odd year since 2003. She claims she isn’t superstitious. But… I think Elena is overdue.
    You know Monfils is in his quarter of the AO draw, right? Both draws are horrible. Especially for the Williams sisters. Even if we wanted a final, we couldn’t have one.

    • existentiallife January 17, 2009 / 3:11 am

      OK I tell you Nadal is NOT going to lose to Monfils AGAIN!
      Nadal’s draw is relatively good, I’d like to say. I’d be happy if he gets to the semis and lose to Murray.

    • existentiallife January 17, 2009 / 3:52 am

      Ok I relooked at the draw. Serena has a good draw. Elena’s and Venus’s quarter is horrible. i don’t like it ๐Ÿ˜ฆ
      and Nadal’s draw has got a few dangers as well hasnt it. THIS IS SAD ๐Ÿ˜ฆ
      Godddddddddd. who do you think will win?
      I’m betting on Murray and Serena I guess, though I don’t like it. not one bit. I want Venus to win, but I don’t think she will. oh well.

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