INCHOATE WORLD I MISS YOU SO MUCH.
And I miss you guys who read my blog, especially Rachel, Erin and Kayln! 🙂
So I’ve been home all day long and all week. Alone, most of the time anyway. I kinda like it. It’s a weird experience, really. I haven’t been home in a long time. I’m getting all lazy and cozy. Becoming a couch potato (can I be a couch pumpkin instead?). The funny thing is.. I haven’t really missed all my friends that much. It’s surprising because I thought I will miss them dearly. I’m accustomed to being alone. I’m used to living by myself. I’m used to not having friends. Or maybe, I’m just shutting down from my surroundings by staying home all day; so much so that I don’t feel my emotions anymore?
Whatever the cause/effect, living in solitude is not that hard for me. And I might really seek solitude in the future, like Siddhartha.
I went back to Singapore in early January to collect my results. They’re pretty good 🙂 But like I said to my close friend, we humans are hungry for success and hungry for power. Some determined ones never stop until they get the best, while some suffering ones never stop suffering from wanting more. As for me, I suffered. Yes I suffered, and I suffer, and I will suffer. It was a mistake that cost 140 dollars. Woosh, it’s gone with the wind. Sometimes people get too greedy sometimes. I need self-control.
This mistake will go down as one the worst decisions I’ve made, out of greediness and cockiness, but I’m proud of what I’ve achieved. It wasn’t easy at all.
I’m not sure how my outlook on the world is at the moment. It seems blank… devoid of meaning.