0313 – What is impact to you? And how would you measure yours?

The idea of impact has been running around in my mind recently. Seems like measuring impact it’s all the buzz these days. We hear about cool organizations like Acumen Fund using social metrics to measure impact from its investment and the University of Michigan’s Center for Entrepreneurship adopting the tagline “Impact Driven.”  And there’s now the global movement to develop well-being indicators as an alternative way to measure the government’s impact, which I’m SUPER EXCITED about.

Anyway, my friend recently asked me whether I see myself starting a family and raising children, and how I am going to balance that with my activism on sustainability and happiness. I responded that I do dream of having my own family one day. I dream of witnessing my kids growing up. I dream of a loving family. I dream of warmth and fulfillment. I continued on and mentioned that finding that balance between activism and my personal life will be hard, and it’s a challenge.

I didn’t have much more to say.

But it did get me thinking. There are many other sustainability advocates who face the same challenge. We all want to make an impact. We all want to make a positive difference in the world–albeit in different ways. I have been programmed with an ingrained sense of responsibility to work towards large-scale systemic change. It’s a character trait (shared by most if not all activists I believe) that really has been a double-edged sword. Most of my friends in the environmentalism field knows what I mean–we care so much, and it’s so easy to get so involved and depressed and angry about the whole dang thing. Yet, we care so much, and we are called to do this work and we will continue to do this work. Because we know it matters. And we need everyone who has the purpose to do it to actually be committed to it.

Right after my conversation with the abovementioned friend, I came across this quote by Alice Walker:

This resonates so profoundly with who I am. And I’m not going to be able to let it go, even if I try. It is who I am. The challenge, in my opinion, is then to remain engaged, but not attached. I wrote about it almost nine months ago, and it is still an ongoing struggle.

I must acknowledge also the other type of impact–one that is more personal and one that my friend identifies with. There are many of us who work on a micro level, forming deeper connections and spreading goodness and making an impact to our social circles.  I conjecture that it matters less to these folks than to me what kind of career they have–as long as they like it and it gives them the work-life balance that enables them to sustain relationships, they’re good. Correct me if I’m mistaken. As for me, it is of extreme importance that my career is directly related to my passion. I just won’t be happy otherwise. The “work experience” dimension plays a huge role in determining my happiness. While I will strive to find that work-life balance (and I suck at that), I need to understand and be able to envision the impact of my efforts.

It’s taken me  long time to come to terms with the fact that both types of change are equally valid and needed in our world. I used to think that it should all be about big changes, but the work on the ground on the micro scale needs to happen in order to slowly shift our conscience and to induce individual changes (which can then combine into social change).

Do I wish that sometimes I am programmed differently? Yes, I do. Often. But that’s not going to change anything. Those moments of doubt are an integral part of the growth as an activist. I take comfort in the fact that there are so many others like me. Like us. Who recognize that this is so hard to do. Because it hurts. Because it takes forever. Because we have to be tough as nails. It is a curse because sometimes the personal inflictions and stress get the better of you, but it is a blessing because I love the challenge and the excitement and the potential impact that activists collectively may have.

0312 – Reflections on my mindfulness retreat

Well, hello there. Long time no see!

As 2012 comes to a close, I must say one of the things that I missed the most is writing these blog posts. Sometimes they can be powerful uplifting moments of clarity and reflection that nourish my soul. Alas, the rough semester of engineering courseload did not allow me to care for the universe within. I was so overwhelmed with my academic commitments, and my life was filled with frustration and chaos. At some point during the fall, I decided that I needed a break from all these commitments. So I signed myself up for a mindfulness retreat at Shambhala Mountain Center in Red Feather Lakes, CO. To my disappointment a few weeks later, the retreat was canceled. I already had my plane ticket booked, so I came down anyway. Fortunately, I found a CouchSurfer in the Denver area who set up a self-made stay-at-home retreat for us for five days over the Christmas period. It was a bittersweet time of introspection and serenity, and it gave me time to reflect on my year and read some books.

I mentioned that my stay-home mindfulness retreat was bittersweet. That’s because it was really great to relax, but it also gave me time to think about what went wrong in 2012. It was a year filled with worldly desires and ambitions. I felt pangs of sorrow as I recognized my decadence and materialism throughout the year. O the desires, jealousy, egocentricity, vile thoughts, and the hunger for triumph. These thoughts totally robbed me of my faith and confidence in the meditation process. I started to wonder of my past karma is blocking my journey. As I contemplated my past, I looked back at my time as a novice monk back in 2009 before I came to the United States. It shocks me to realize how much dharma I’ve forgotten since then, and how easy and quickly it is to be absorbed back into our worldly pursuits. Sometimes I just wish I would be graced by a divine visit from God, just like many other lives have before. But that’s wishful thinking – a hope for a shortcut, and that never bodes well.

Some time ago I wrote about how there is never a regression in a spiritual path; the ups and downs always part of the journey. 2012 is harder to comprehend, because it seems like an obvious shift away from the spiritual. But perhaps it is not. A human life has its own twists and turns, and perhaps this turn that is 2012 is more a reminder of how difficult this path is. Throughout this year, I felt sick many times–spiritually, mentally and physically, and that might very well be an outward manifestation of a life out of balance. So it’s time to slow down that wheel of karma. After all, the past is history. The future is a mystery. The only time you have is now.

My retreat was a great change. I was with a kindred soul, Joshua. He’s a light-hearted fellow with a funny sense of humor. He’s also a student of Buddhism, and is calm, wise and really knowledgeable about food. He set me up with a healthy diet filled with herbs and veggies that I sometimes fear because they are so foreign to me. Ha. Looks like my typical college boy diet won’t really cut it in terms of my health.

In any case, while growth has been slow in 2012, I continue to be nourished by conversations with great people and wisdom from great books. At the retreat, I was glad to have finally found time to read Autobiography of a Yogi, given to me by my dear friend Harry over 6 months ago.

It turned out to be a fantastic book filled with wisdom of all religions and expounded the universality of the ultimate Truth. Highly recommended indeed. I was blown away by the incredible stories of many gurus in this book, and the lessons on how to live in reverence of the sacred presence of the Spirit–omnipresent and powerful. The book really rekindled my sense of worship and respect for prayers and meditation.

What I really loved about this book is how it combines wisdom from all religions, East and West. I’m a firm believer in the oneness of all religions pointing to a higher truth, but I usually struggle with how the Christian message actually relates to the other religions. This book changed this. Never before have I seen the Christian Bible elucidated so lucidly. For example, I used to have a problem with this:

Genesis 1:26: ”Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”

That sounds highly unsustainable! But Paramahansa Yogananda said that this is a message about man’s conquer of maya and the illusions in our world. Paramahansa Yogananda also  pointed out references to reincarnation in the Bible, and how Jesus may be symbolic of the Consciousness and Realization. Just blew my mind.

Above all, the book convinced me that one really doesn’t have to become an ascetic to find salvation. In fact, the Vedic texts state that men have responsibilities in both the worldly and spiritual matters. The task then becomes bringing spirituality into your everyday life, which is very much aligned with Thich Nhat Hanh’s engaged Buddhism.

I left the retreat with lingering thoughts (pretty sure it’s not supposed to turn out this way. oops) I thought about my role on this earth and where I can go from here. What has gotten me this far?  It’s crazy how I’ve left behind the Dharma that had a major impact on my life. As I look ahead, I pray for forgiveness and for strength in the commitment to reverse my wayward thoughts and actions. I lost my way as I was pulled in many different directions. Here’s to finding that balance. May all sentient beings find peace. May all of us go through this mighty struggle and reach the ultimate Truth.

Well, that’s it for 2012. It’s been quite a journey. I should be posting here sporadically – whenever the time calls for it. After all, it’s my way of creative expression and, to me, a symbolic act of harmonizing the universe within and the omnipresent spirit. So, I hope to see you back here again in 2013.

Namaste.

And Happy New Year!

0311 – Another pause

Well, it’s no secret that I haven’t been posting here for a while. I’ve been caught up with all my… duties in the physical realm, and I am tired. Life’s taken me to many many places, and I’ve reflected long and hard about them, so much so that I’m pretty tired of the reflection itself. Hence, I’ve decided that it’s time I take another break from this blog.

I’d like to express my deep gratitude to those who have followed my blog over the years. I sincerely hope it has been a positive experience for you as it has been for me writing it.

Before I leave, I’d like to leave some pictures of my summer experience. I went to India, Bhutan and Liberia over the course of four months, and I’m grateful for the opportunity.

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So long for now. I’ll be back soon I hope!

0310 – India, I guess this is it.

It’s time to say goodbye. I’m back in Thailand after an early morning flight. It’s been quite an experience. I really am not sure what I feel about all this in the end–bittersweet will probably do. While I am glad to leave the chaos and all the honking, I will surely miss the company of my fellow interns as well as the cultural diversity that India has to offer. Apart from the laughter and fun, India’s given me lots of things to think about in terms of sustainability, equality and societal structure. It’s really a different feel than the one I get from the U.S. The transactions of everyday life really has taken a huge toll on me here–there’re so many more delays, so much more haggling,motto many arguments. India has pushed the limits of my patience in so many different ways, leaving me to discover how purturbable my mind really is. As I wrote before, the only journey is the journey within. A friend told me that because India is so chaotic all the time, those who manage to find peace herare emerge with the wisdom often surpassing many others’.

I really cannot say what India is like, for my two months here have scarcely afforded me enough opportunities to see half the country. There are so many destinations that I’d like to visit, for both to see the sights and get to know the culture. Many people–Indians and non-Indians alike–have great hopes for India becoming a country of their dreams. And the dreams vary greatly–some want it to become a capitalist power, some want it to be an IT hotbed, some want it to be green and sustainable, some want it to be the growth of social entrepreneurship, some want it to be socialist. One thing I know for sure is that India offers infinite possibilities, and not many countries in the world can make that claim.

There’re things that I like about this country, and things that I don’t. Currently, this country doesn’t feel like home for me at this point. Maybe I’ll be back again. Who knows. I never thought I’d come to India. There I was. So I might be back. Until then, India, it’s been nice (trying) to get to know you. I’m grateful to roam around a country distinct from anywhere I’ve ever been. I look forward to seeing what you bring to our world in the future.

0309 – Auroville, a place that belongs to humanity as a whole

A few weeks back my friend introduced me to a tiny town on the East coast of India called Auroville. Literally the “City of Dawn,” it is an experimental township founded upon The Mother‘s Dream:

“There should be somewhere upon earth a place no nation could claim as its sole property, a place where all human beings of goodwill, sincere in their aspiration, could live freely as citizens of the world, obeying one single authority, that of the Supreme Truth; a place of peace, concord, harmony, where all the fighting instincts of man would be used exclusively to conquer the causes of his sufferings and miseries, to surmount his weakness and ignorance, to triumph over his limitations and incapacities; a place where the needs of the spirit and the care for progress would get precedence over the satisfaction of desire and passion, the seeking for material pleasure and enjoyment.”

That sounds like my kind of town, doesn’t it? Well, it also has the reputation of being a hippy town…

Well, that sounds like my kind of town, doesn’t it?!!!! Haha.

So off I went to the city of Auroville. I even decided to make this a solo trip, because my agenda is probably not going to make my friends happy.

The first stop is typically the Visitors Center, where I spent almost three hours just walking around and watching documentaries about sustainability, Auroville’s purpose of realizing human unity, and the culture there.

The Mother and Sri Aurobindo, the two figures behind the creation and faith of Auroville

The funny thing about Auroville is that even though it’s all about unity and openness, it’s not a tourist-friendly town. Apart from the visitors center, there is a very small chance of exploring the community. It is as if the visitors center is built to distract tourists from the real Auroville. Kind of a strange concept, but I think there’s some truth to that. Even the locals aren’t all that willing to talk to tourists. I could understand why, as they probably get the same questions over and over again.

So I ended up walking around and exploring the city mostly through my own eyes and through books and audios. One of the highlights is the Matrimandir, Sanskrit for The Mother’s Temple, a place where one comes to seek a higher state of consciousness.

From the outside, it looks like a magnificent golden sphere, which honestly leaves a lot to be desired since it seems like it’s hiding something really important inside. Fortunately, tourists are allowed to go in on the next day after signing up the day before. So that’s what I did. Too bad photography wasn’t allowed inside, because it was mesmerizing. I’m going to embed pictures from online here instead:

The inner chamber, which contains the largest optically perfect glass globe in the world. The design of the globe receiving the ray of sunlight is a design given by The Mother, who envisions it as a symbol of mankind’s future realization of a higher consciousness.

The glass globe here receives sunlight that has already passed through the globe in the inner chamber.

We were given 15 minutes to meditate in the inner chamber. Just to be there felt like an honor.

But there’s something wrong. This concept just seems so perfect, but in reality it’s far from that.

First, the element of human worship (of The Mother and Sri Aurobindo) bothers me. Although my humble and limited exposure to The Mother’s teaching tells me that she actually has found the Supreme Truth, I always like to see people worship that very Supreme Truth rather than the person who’d found it. Aurovillians seem to love her too much–something I don’t quite comprehend.

Another interesting–and ironic–thing about this town is that most people outside Auroville actually dislike Auroville! I found no satisfactory reason for this, but speculation includes

1) Aurovillians came in wanting to make this place “better,” but never really took enough time to ask what the locals think is “better.”
2) Aurovillians are full of rich and wealthy people who just come to settle down at the end of their lives looking for spiritual awakening. They know nothing about the local livelihood around Auroville.

Whichever it is, it’s really really interesting to think about how there is no guarantee that such a beautiful concept can come to fruition easily. Regardless, Auroville’s philosophy, in my opinion, serves as an important and timely reminder of how our society has become so out of sync, so disunited. Being there to explore the concept alone was worth it for me. Getting to CouchSurf overnight at a local organic farm was a bonus that brought me a glimpse of the local livelihood close by to Auroville. It felt great to be close to nature.

My humble abode for one night

Perhaps the grandest shower I’ve used so far

Although this trip leaves so much to be desired, if you’re into this kind of hippy-ish/spiritual/unusual type of thing, I’d highly recommend doing it anyway. You won’t find this kind of experiment anywhere else. I remain optimistic of Auroville’s concept and potential to change our world, but there are obvious kinks that have to be sorted out before Auroville can truly embrace–live and breath–the concept for the world to follow suit.

Tip: Auroville is best seen combined with Pondicherry into a weekend trip. To ensure that you will get to go into the Matrimandir, I suggest that you arrive by noon in Auroville on a Saturday, as you have to see the Matrimandir from the outside first before you can register (registration is 10-11am or 2-3pm) to go inside on the next day. So you can take the morning to explore Pondy, get to Auroville in late morning, stay overnight through CouchSurfing or one of the guest houses there, then leave back for more exploration of Pondy after you’ve visited the Matrimandir on Sunday.

0308 – Small Act. Simple Happiness

When I was in Hampi, I ran into a group of middle school students on a field trip. Hampi, India is a UNESCO World Heritage site, filled with ruins, temples and rock formations to marvel at.

Our tour of the city brought us to a place called Queen’s Bath. At the entrance, we saw the huge group of kids lined up next to the front gate waiting to go in. I thought to myself, “Uh oh. S.O.S. Chaos to follow.”

Chaos did ensure.

There were 10 of us in Hampi at the time. All foreigners. And if you have been in India before, you know that most locals like to stare at foreigners–out of curiosity. They also like to say hello, shake hands and take pictures. And if they’re kids, they shout and run after you too.

So this place, Queen’s Bath, is literally a place with a giant bath in the middle, like this:

Guess who was in the bath itself when the kids ran it. This guyyyyy.

Oh, shit.

They swarmed in strong and seemed really excited to see us. I was a natural target, being the sole foreigner trapped in the middle of a giant box.

Boy it was mayhem. By the way, I’m saying all this in good fun. I love kids, and I like to see them happy. Foreigners are, quite literally, foreign to them. For some reason, they love seeing us. They wanted to shake our hands, be in pictures with us, or even just to be near us. We felt like superstars, with out little fans following us around. Here are some pictures:

They were just… happy. It was the highlight of my trip. And we really didn’t do anything much. We just spent some time with them and took pictures. That’s all we needed. Small acts, big happiness. It made me happy too. And their teacher was happy that he got photos of us with the kids, and perhaps also because the kids got a chance to see us. Interesting thought.

It really is true that happiness is relative, and it all depends on one’s expectations. This really puts life in perspective. You don’t have to accomplish everything or be the luckiest person in the world to be happy. Sometimes, joy comes when you  least expect it. Sometimes, joy comes from simplicity.

0307 – Are all life forms equal?

One of Buddhism’s Five Precepts:

“I undertake the training rule to abstain from taking life.”

These days we like to talk about humans being the most intelligent form of life and on top of the food chain and all. Somehow, the conversation sometimes shift to our superiority over other forms of life. Somehow, that no longer feels right.

When I was younger, I used to step on ants that were on my path. I used to kill flies that were annoying me, or mosquitoes that were trying to suck my blood. I used to trap butterflies for fun. But since I’ve been thinking about this, I’m starting to believe more strongly that perhaps we really shouldn’t do those things.

Even if you take the Christian angle, you could say that all life forms are God’s Creation, and to any life forms would be to hurt a fellow Creation. Who are we to decide if other beings are to live or to die? You could also take the nonreligious angle: if life is simply precious, should we take it away from others?

Who are we considered a killer only when we kill other humans?

We know the capability of mankind. Save some godzilla invasion or a visit from an alien planet, we are high up on the food chain. But we know how delicate the food chain is, and we know that humans cannot survive without the biodiversity and the typical functioning of other beings–these things are just indirect. We know that everything is interconnected in ways we may never completely comprehend. I say we’re all equal. I say we’re all life. I say we’re all together on this planet.

Perhaps it is wiser–or simply feels righter–to think twice before killing anyone or anything.

0306 – Buddha as a college admissions officer

My friend sent me this article the other day, and I just loved it. Very amusing yet thoughtful read. I’m pasting it here after the jump.

0305 – Why do we make wishes for ourselves?

About two weeks ago, I was at a temple in Fatehpur Sikri, about an hour away from the Taj Mahal. There was a praying spot where we were told to give offerings and make a wish–for long life, good health, children, etc. It reminded me of one issue that I’ve thought about for quite some time:

Why do we make wishes for ourselves?

It seems almost counter-intuitive to me that when we pray, we make rather self-centered wishes. Shouldn’t we be praying for world peace? Shouldn’t we be praying for alleviation of poverty? Shouldn’t we be praying for love to supplant the hatred in our world? Isn’t the act of praying imply some sense of transcending the desires of the self? It doesn’t make sense to me.

This thought dawned upon me a couple years ago, and since then when I pray, I thank God for my past fortunes. Then I pray for hope in the world. In my opinion, I don’t think it’s right to wish for our own better lives. I think our lives are made better, knowing that we are here to serve a larger purpose.

Perhaps next time, when we make a wish, we can think about those who need the prayers more than we do. It brings much more joy than asking for the winning lottery ticket.

0304 – My favorite Thai ad so far: Smoking Kid

Video

Great campaign. Really makes one stop and think about our society in general. It stirred something in me. I hope for great things with this video.

#quitsmoking